Where have I been?
Whew, 2025 is over, and I have been neglecting things here. My apologies! I am still working full time, and the holidays have been crazy. I managed to get through Thanksgiving masking, Christmas Eve and Day but ended up in the ER on December 25th (more on that later).
Drug Trial Update
I started either a placebo or tirzepatide on January 6th, 2026. There are a combination of emotions: scared, excited, worried about side effects, or, if I get the placebo. No matter what happens, unless the side effects are intense, I will take the weekly injections for the purpose of being a participant.
I will not be updating much about this for the remainder of the trial unless something drastic changes; after all, it is a double-blind trial. I’m really the perfect candidate for this. Adderall never works the same day to day (sometimes it suppresses appetite more often), and mirtazapine makes me binge eat occasionally (and now Hayley Williams singing Mirtazapine is stuck in my head 😄). No idea if it is tirzepatide, placebo, or the meds I’ve been on!
December ER visit
I did not mention this here yet; I have been back to ENT for ongoing tinnitus in my left ear and mild hearing loss. It is a swooshing sound and is triggered both when I look right and also at random. Additionally, my last audiology visit back in the early days of long covid picked up pretty minor unilateral hearing loss.
I had a weird episode where the tinnitus was so relentless, and I got pretty dizzy, and overall symptoms were changing (has never happened before). I was leaning toward waiting it out, and of course, in hindsight, that would have been fine—but not something to mess around with (thanks, wife). Furthermore, I made it 8 months without a visit to the ER, which kind of bums me out going back—but it’s worthwhile, even though we all know where this is going.
The ER doctor was interested in post-COVID issues and did a few out-of-band tests (after asking) for them to really understand my symptoms. While I appreciated that they were understanding and offered to help in any way they could, they were like the 8th doctor I’ve seen who, after doing some vision tests, said, “Man, that’s wild. You have divergence, double vision, and are cross-eyed—it’s like your brain just won’t let your eyes track well at all.” That’s cool that you all see and confirm these problems, but I actually want them fixed; it’s been over a year 🥹
I had a head CT with and without contrast and labs before (to make sure my body can properly expel the radiation from it). I have never had a CT in my life before this; it was impressive how quick it was. The warm peed your pants feeling wasn’t too bad with the contrast and faded pretty quickly.
In conclusion
The radiologist compiled the report and sent it to the ER doctor. Nothing notable other than normal wear and tear, arthritis of the neck (I’m 43; this is not normal), and mild congenital deformities that shouldn’t cause major pain or issues like I’m experiencing. Onward we go.
What a crash feels like these days
I have been having crashes every few weeks all through last year. Lately they haven’t been too brutal. But when I forget to take medications, they hit hard. For example, I didn’t take my mirtazapine (or Remeron, or as I call it, Car Ramrod), guanfacine, or glycine last night. I didn’t really sleep at all—severe rebound insomnia. I felt like crap and like I was nearing zero most of the following day. Pulled it mostly together with a short nap. It’s crazy and depressing to think that my body gets so messed up without medications. I wish it didn’t have to be like this.
The moral of the story is to make crashes less severe. Take your meds. Nighttime meds are harder for me; my stimulant has worn off, and I always have a million things to do before I go to bed. It’s been hell to live life normally before this, and now it’s all around worse.
I hope to get better at updating this more frequently. Instead of scrolling social media over and over again (thanks, Adderall!). Here seems to be a much better place for my mind to be.